a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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