She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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