I can't watch pbs sober anymore
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
