I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
