Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Woke up backwards on a recliner
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
