ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
