you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
