he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
