And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
