Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
