I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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