just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
