Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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