I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
