All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
