On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
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