i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
