yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
