thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
