the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
God, I missed his penis.
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