you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
