There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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