You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
