On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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