He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
