WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
