It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
