I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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