I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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