I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
