Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
