it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
