either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
