I will die if light touches me.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Randomize
