i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
