Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
