Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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