The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
