I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
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