i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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