Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
