We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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