Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
