Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
