let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
