Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
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He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
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Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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