Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
