if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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