how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
then he tried to convert me to islam
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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