with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
sex in a hospital.. check
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
