Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
