i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
This baby is an asshole
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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