Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
