The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
