He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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