Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
