I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
