I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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