@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
