I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
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i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
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"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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