I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I think i got beer on your cat.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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