I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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