so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
