I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
