so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
