Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
