yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
now i know why i became what i already was.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
