No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
