god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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