saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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