You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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