Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
