I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
