i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
