she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
