im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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