I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
