I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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