i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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